"Okay, don't freak out, but"......."AHHHHHHHHHHH"

So yesterday we had a bit of an adventure. We found this tour that we wanted to do but it was about $150. We decided that it would be much cheaper, and way more entertaining to just rent a car and do it ourselves. So after about 3 tries, on my part, to get into the car on the wrong side, we were off. I’ve got to give Jill props too, she didn’t even scare me that much. But, I guess after 22 years ofriding in the car with papa steve, it takes a lot to shake me up. We only had one little incident when I calmly informed jill that we were on the wrong side of the road and were actuallyheading into oncoming traffic. But, since we were on a country bumpkin road we just pulled over and continued our adventure.

Our first stop was the curtain fig tree. To say this place was in BFE is a drastic understatement. Not only was it in the middle of nowhere but it was on top of a mountain which was only reachable by extremely steep, extremely curvy roads. The speed limit was 100 kilometers per hour, it was raining the entire time, and we were in a vehicle resembling a go cart. After that, cage diving with sharks doesn’t seem so terrifying.

Our second stop was the babinda boulders, also known as the devil’s marbles. We hiked through the rainforest and finally came to the creek. It really was amazingly beautiful. After we sit and take it in for a while, we head back. We are trekking through the rainforest, still marveling at nature’s beauty, when I notice the creature on Jill’s neck.

YES, ON HER NECK. As soon as the words, “don’t freak out,” came out of my mouth, she was in a panic. She flipped out and got the worm (or what ever it was, we still aren’t sure) off her neck and her Marc Jacobs sunglasses go soaring through the air. She then dives for them because they are about to plummet to their death into the creek below. So, we see Jill’s true priorities. Life, and then, immediately followed by designer sunglasses.

Our final stop was Panonella Park. It is a huge park with all of these beautiful castles and vast flora. We were on a tour, where we were yelled at no less than three times for wandering off and not paying attention. I’m sorry if I don’t want to hear you ramble on about how the owner sold mushrooms to make money when l I can take an adorable picture in front of a huge waterfall and freely mess with giant sleeping bats without serious ramifications. Stupid tour guide. We even got to walk down lovers lane, which, as it turns out, wasn’t so romantic, seeing as I had just swatted a creature off my friend’s neck and she was now sporting a welt the size of Texas…….

After that little adventure, we wanted to do something else. Since it was only 5:00 we decided to see if there were anymore interesting things see around that area. We were informed that there was a winery just up the road called Murdering point. Seriously? Who was their marketing consultant? Please forgive me if I’m not ecstatic to drive further into the wilderness at nightfall to a place called murdering point. I’d like to keep my internal organs, thank you very much. Needless to say, we head back to the jail cell where we promptly began drinking wine right out of the bottle and partying like it was 1999. When I asked Jill if that kind of behavior was normal, she replied with, “For us? YES.” That’s all the confirmation I need.

"Should I ride the turtle?"....."Definitely"

We did a bit of Cairns sightseeing today. Walked along the pier, sat in the grass, and played around the lagoon. We finally moved to a hostel, but this time, we have our own room. (No 5 am wakeups from old asian ladies!!!) Although we have a private room, it’s quite far from luxurious. It looks like a jail cell, less the barred window, actually, less any windows whatsoever. If it weren’t for the amazing location, I’d go crazy. In all seriousness though, this could be an old prison,

I mean the British did originally use Australia as a place to bring all the prisoners. I could be living in history. Gross, tiny, windowless history. History where I put newspaper down so I can unpack my clothes and they don't touch the floor. The good news is, we are only paying $18 anight and we get a free, be it miniature sized, dinner every night. I guess this is just one of those things that my parents used to tell me “adds character” to a person. I’m going to be full of character by the end of this trip…..

We read about all the things we can do around Cairns for free. (which is good since we are still unemployed and living in a glorified jail cell) One of these things was the night market. The night market is open from 4:30-9 and has all kinds of stores. We walked around and found an entire row of Asian massage booths. Yes, booths with curtains and tables. It’s $15 for a 40 minute massage. So we did the only plausible thing we could think of and got massages….in the night market….at 6 pm…..behind a curtain in the mall. It was probably top 5 sketchiest things I’ve done in my life…..up there with sleeping at an airport, living with 3 strangers on a farm, and, of course, Fanny. Great massage though. Felt a little bit like I was getting beaten to death….but 3 hours later, I feel fantastic.

Tomorrow we have BIG plans. We are renting a car and going sightseeing. Yes, I am aware that they drive on the wrong side of the road and the steering wheel is on the passenger side, which is precisely why I explained that Jill would be the only one driving. Let’s be honest, I’m usually in a state of disarray when I’m driving at home, do not make me drive on the wrong side of the car and the opposite side of the road.

I do NOT have a death wish. Except that I do want to cage dive with sharks while I’m here……..

Just kidding Dad………

Life's a Beach

This past weekend was quite relaxing….for the most part. Sunday we woke up, really psyched to

go to the Gold Coast. Well everyone was a bit hungover, except us because we never go out, so we got a bit of a late start. But needless to say, we made it out there. It reminded me a bit of Miami except without the guidos and guidettes 10 deep everywhere you look. And speaking of Miami, there is actually a Miami, QLD that we were in for quite some time, which confused me a bit until I did a total recap of the past two weeks, and realized that I had indeed moved to Australia. We walked along the beach and jill got her infamous mint ice cream, which I think was a little insane because it felt like it was 40 degrees outside. The beach when it’s cold is just not as much fun.

Sunday night was pretty eventful. We all got alcohol to bring back to the house….we were drinking boxed wine….classy, eh? Cam suggested cards when my gambling addiction emerged and I suggested we start playing poker for money, WEIRD. So I was $2 away from cleaning out everyone at the table when Cameron and Manny started fighting. I’m still pretty confused about what happened, but all I know is they were talking about some girl….then they were outside……then I was pulling Manny up the mountain out of the bush. Good times at the farm…..good times.

So, we decided to head to the beach where it wasn’t 4 degrees outside. Our flight was at 7 am, so we did the obvious thing and camped out at the airport. Probably one of our worst ideas ever. We jumped on the train which we learned immediately after boarding, didn’t go all the

way to the airport that time of night…….i mean, it’s us, I would expect nothing less. Then we get halfway there and had to jump in a cab and arrived at Brisbane international about 1 am. We try the first door….locked…then the second….locked. We start to freak out just a bit because is has now begun to monsoon outside. Finally, we find an open door and there is not one airport worker in sight. Literally…..every light was out and there was a man vacuuming. RIDIC. So we did what any normal human would do and found a comfy bench and CAMPED OUT AT THE AIRPORT, like legit homeless people. Needless to say, not the best night of sleep I’ve ever had. At least I wasn’t outside in my backyard, huh, Andrew?

We finally arrived in Cairns, and apparently it’s a gorgeous flight in, not that I would know because I was passed out cold before we even took off. We got here and moved in with the guys….walked around a while……and went back to sleep yet again. It’s amazing how excited I was to see a bed. Like meeting the wizard at the end of the yellow brick road. The beach and a bed……HELL YEA. We went out last night and I’m not going to lie….it felt a bit like Spring Break, people dancing on tables and ripping shots. It was AWESOME. And we actually stayed awake passed 11…….i was so proud. We are attempting to find jobs and a place to live, AGAIN. Turns out I’m overqualified for everything. The only thing they want on my resume is Isabella’s Pizzeria. I knew grad school was a waste of money…..

"We want to start using australian words, what's the most popular aussie phrase?"........"Um, fuck off."

Yesterday was quite dreary. We woke up and everyone kind of wandered around the house and

we got a little bit excited, thinking that we couldn’t do any work outside because of the rain. No such luck. We got to go to some of Andrew’s rental properties…..SCORE. So, everyone who knows me, understands that I despise cleaning with a burning passion. I love when things are clean, I just don’t want to be the one to do it. When we were moving out of the Oxford house, I had no problems packing up 4 years of crap into unimaginable numbers of boxes for 3 days straight, but those last 5 hours that were spent cleaning, wiping down baseboards, and using the magic eraser to clean the walls, WERE HELL. Well Jill doesn’t feel that way. The first day we were here everyone asked what we liked to do. I replied with cooking (We all know how that turned out) and Jill explained that she liked to clean. Well since the dinner disaster, I have been forced onto the cleaning crew with Jill. I don’t really think I have to say it, but I will. I am not happy. Since we’ve been here, we have cleaned out the kitchen, the bathrooms, and the dishes…..everyday….3 times a day. So we go to the rental property and Andrew wants us to clean the house. What do I get to do? Wipe down the baseboards and get the marks off the wall. The irony is almost too much to handle…..

We did get to go to a Koala sanctuary. This one was my favorite because it looks like yoda, or as manny refers to him, YOGA. I’ve decided I need to bring one home with me. They’re just too cute. I’m pretty sure they’re endangered but I can just smuggle one in. The fine can’t be that much more than illegal French wine……

Today was our free day. I slept super late, 8:15, and we both got up and showered. I’m pretty sure the guys had to do a double take because we weren’t in our usual t-shirts, with slicked back hair and what seemed like a negative amount of make up. Cameron works here at the house. He has a van. He also sleeps in this van. We needed a ride to the train station and Cam offered, and we gladly accepted. So this van seems to be older than I am, and to be honest I didn’t even know it still ran. We were about to jump in when he goes, “just a sec, she’s been acting a little dodgy lately.” And he literally starts to push the van down the hill so that it will start. It was straight out of Little Miss Sunshine. I seriously cannot make this stuff up.

After the "van incident," we jump on a train to Brisbane and kind of wander around for a while. We start towards the city and go into a casino. No worries though, I didn’t spend a dime. Then we decide we want to walk all down the river and maybe go to a museum. We stop by this performing arts center to use the bathroom, immediately spot wine, and spend the entire day drinking and listening to 16 year olds sing. It was wonderful, and you know what……I bet that river will still be there when we come back.

"Um, I've never met anyone that said Shrimp on the Barbie. And What is Foster's beer?".....The real australia....

So, one of my favorite stories from these past few days…… Manny is from Quebec, so there’s a bit of a language barrier there. Yesterday he jumped up from his seat grabbing his leg and Isimply asked if he had a Charlie horse. Well apparently this isn’t a well-known term because he immediately fired back with, ”Who is Charlie?” Then asked everyone else in the house if they knew where Charlie was… When asked where that came from….I had absolutely NO idea. So if anyone can fill me in on that I would be thankful.

Then working again…….I woke up to the death crow of some horrific bird. Not the best start tothe day. So yesterday was pretty priceless. It was if everyone here knew things we had never attempted, and then made us do them…ALL.DAY.LONG. It began with gardening. We were planting a veggie garden, which would’ve been fine if I hadn’t once killed a 30 year old bonsai

tree in a mere 2 weeks. We planted zucchini, and beans, and radishes. I was wondering what it would look like in a year……but I’m pretty sure it’s going to look the exact same as it did yesterday……..like little mounds of dirt. In all seriousness though……we are both decked out in headbands, nike track shorts and designer sunglasses……that doesn’t exactly give off the impression that we are ONE with nature. So after the garden was finished, we were asked to cook dinner. I was excited because I was finally going to be productive instead of relatively counteractive. I love cooking…I can cook pasta, hamburgers, chicken, even steak. What do they want?......Minced KANGAROO curry. Um, WHAT? We attempt it. To call it a disaster is a vast understatement. Runny curry, mushy broccoli, and really really overcooked rice. Not a lot of dinner conversation during that meal………

Today was a little bit better minus that same dang bird outside my window. I sware……it’s like they know how much I hate them. But anyway, we started out with a bit of organizing…this

house has been run by men for a little bit too long. Well I was vacuuming and Jill went to clean the bathrooms. Next thing I hear is severe dry heaving. I run downstairs to see Jill hunched next to the tub, which, thanks to all these boys, has been filled with our dishes. Unsanitary doesn’t even begin to explain. I of course die laughing, careful to take note of exactly which dishes are soaking in that orangish filth. Anyway…..we then build shelves out of bricks and old doors. I’m just praying that little contraption can hold at least until we’re up and out of here, because I am surely not rebuilding it. Then we have a long lunch and go fishing for “work.” The irrigation system here

runs on dams filled with fish….so we needed to replenish. Everyone here probably thinks I’m such a girl but one thing Daddy taught me is how to hook a fish. Literally 30 seconds after the line is in the water and I’m reeling in a fish. The look on the guy’s faces was definitely one to remember. They may think it was just luck but I am 100% sure that it was pure Drown skill. J

Screw Paris and Nicole...We are the NEW stars of Simple Life

SO, I’m alive. We arrived in Belivah, where the house is, and met everyone. Manny, from Quebec, Cameron from Brisbane, and Andrew, the owner. We sat around and had dinner where Andrew informed us that he was on TV last week. When I asked why he explained that he had wiped out while surfing and gotten slapped in the face by his board so hard that it knocked him out…….yea. Then two days ago he threw his neck out and looked like a total creeper because every time he wanted to look at you he had to turn his entire body……needless to say, I see heavy machinery outside and if he’s on it, I’m steering clear. When we were served dinner we realized quite quickly that we were not going to lose any weight. It was sausage and potatoes, followed by legit French chocolate crepes.

Yesterday was our first day of work. And when I say work, I mean work. We went out thinking

that we were just going to be organizing the sheds….NOPE. We were carrying big ass cinder blocks, without gloves mind you, up and down this hill. Then, we were cleaning out the shed and I have literally never seen more useless crap. Among the treasures of endless nuts and bolts, we found a unicycle, about 27 helmets, a car engine, and a poisonous spider the size of my hand. That was probably my favorite. Manny decided it was dead and explained that there was no reason to freak out. He then proceeded to touch it at which point the spider totally flipped out and started jumping at him. Pretty priceless.

We went for a little adventure after work. We didn’t want to look like girls, and when asked, immediately implied that we were avid hikers and up for anything. Bad idea. There was no trail…..just bush land and a steep mountain covered in loose rocks. How we came out unscathed is beyond me. I literally just slid and fell from place to place until I was in a position to grab another tree to stabilize my impeccable clumsiness. We went and sat on a yoga deck in the middle of the woods. We then continued on to the dam where jill screamed snake and I almost knocked out my 2 front teeth while she laughed uncontrollably…..great friend. The hike back was much worse. Up a 75 degree slant about 2 miles…….I’m going to have a killer bum when this is all over…

Old McDonald has a Farm.....E-I-E-I-OH

We finally made it out! Yes, we were awake past 9 pm. We went to the hostel bar called Scubar with $6 drinks til 11……you know how I love me some drink specials. But the best part of the night was definitely the creeper that hit on me. The scene went a little something like this…..

Him- “You look familiar, are you a famous actress?”
Me-“Um, no. Don’t you work at the hostel?”Him-“YEA!”
Me-”Well I’m staying there, which is probably why I look familiar.”

I still cant decide if it was the best or worst pickup line ever. Met a nice young chap who was not a creeper named Peter. He informed me that a chug is a pitcher of beer.....definitely bringing that one back to the states. After the bars we promptly got gyros, and Jill, like a true oxford girl, found chicken on a sti

ck in Sydney and devoured it.
Yesterday was pretty

lazy. I walked aimlessly around the random parks of Sydney and only got lost 4 times, a

record for me. We decided that in order to save money, we were going to cook dinner in the hostel

which actually ended up costing us double what we probably would’ve spent…..woopsie. But

I made a spinach salad with walnuts, goat cheese, avocado, chicken and lemon juice…..AMAZING. And jill made some spinach ravioli with alfredo sauce…..YUM. And that was pretty much everything that happened.

And for everyone wondering how Fanny is doing…..she’s great. Still coming in at 5 am and sleeping until 1, never acknowledging that a 40 year old asian woman shouldn’t be out all night long…..or the fact that 1 pm is not a normal hour to wake up (I don’t even think I slept til one on my worst Sunday after game day….)

And to all of you who laughed uncontrollably at the idea of me working on a farm….in your

face! We are flying out today to the Gold Coast where we will get a bus to Beenleigh and then we will get picked up by a man named Andrew who will bring us to his house. I understand this sounds a bit dodgy but no worries….Dad ensured I was equipped with my pepper spray before I left. (And I watched Taken the other day so I’m on full alert) We joined a program called Willing Workers on Organic Farms (WWOOF). Basically we work at these places in exchange for food and clothes…..i feel like as much as I eat…..i’m getting the better end of this deal.

They’ve probably never fed anyone from south Louisiana…..its going to be interesting for sure. Our first stop on this little journey is a Yoga Retreat center that is on it’s way to becoming fully sustainable. We’re going to work in the organic gardens and such all day and then do yoga and eat vegan foods at night. Life could be worse……..

There are 100 things that can kill you.....99 are in Australia

We’ve become morning people since we moved to Australia waking up bright eyed and bushy tailed every day at 5 am. Yesterday we were total tourists. We went to our orientation where they basically explained everything that can kill us……sharks, crocs, about 10 different types of spiders, about 18 different types of snakes, and of course…….box jellyfish. We also discussed being roofied, and Jill and I immediately glanced at each other knowing that when it actually happens, its not quite as graceful as they were trying to make itsound. Anyway, we then went to Sydney Wildlife center so we could be up close and personal with all of those creatures that we had just discussed. We saw all of the spiders and lizards and I even braved walking through the snake exhibit….which is shocking I know. But we saw the kangas and adorable koalas and I decided not to steal one, seeing as I didn’t want to get thrown out of the country quite yet. I also got to see a bird, which is classified in the Guinnessbook of world records as the most deadly bird in the world……you know the joy that brought into my life. We then went down to darling harbor where I was attacked by birds, which as everyone knows, are not my favorite creatures. Grace…you will appreciate this…..so since we are both in the city and on the water there is not only an abundance of pigeons, but also seagulls. Jill enjoys my fear of birds almost as much as you do. But anyway, after we left darling harbor, we decided to find some attraction called the rocks. We assumed it was some kind of statue or something and realized after walking about 3 hours trying to find it, that the rocks is a neighborhood and we had actually been in it for about 2 hours and 45 minutes, and it wasn’t really all that special after all. We had been excited all day to go out and we sat down for a second before we got ready and both woke up around midnight….SCORE.

SO Saturday we decided to go to Bondi beach, the place we want to live so badly that we are staying homeless for a number of weeks waiting for an apartment to open up. Seeing that we had decided how great this place was but never actually stepped foot in the area, we decided to go out there. We took the train and then we were informed that we needed to get on a bus. Jill and I decide it can’t be that

bad of a walk so we just hoof it. And we were right……it was about 2 or 3 miles downhill. We

were ruined after we saw the amazing beach. There is no way we are going to be able to live anywhere else. After a nice wrap and yet another $3 diet coke, we

lounged in the grass and watched the surfers. We decided to take that nice stroll back to the train but this time it was all uphill……not so pleasant this time around….

Days one and two....or technically 3 and 4....

Okay so the trip started off well enough. I didn't get detained by customs, which was a little surprising given my history, and then actually made the flight. I've been reading Eat, Pray, Love which i deemed an appropriate book for my travels but was informed by our flight attendant it was an idiotic book because no one actually has the time to travel like that and not really work. It was an awkward few seconds when I smiled and nodded thinking that's exactly what we're doing. But anyway, after 28 hours of traveling and one emergency landing in Brisbane, we arrived in Sydney. Then we walked into our hostel to meet our "roomie" whose only english consists of "I Fanny." She comes home at 5:30 am and we're too scared to ask what she does all night. Anyway, because we had gone to bed at 7:30 pm we woke up bright and early at 6 and caught the ferry to Manly Beach, which reminds me alot of Coney Island because all of the old people. We are going apartment hunting later. At first we wanted a 2 bedroom place with a big kitchen and private bathrooms.....now our only requirement is that we can turn our room lights in the morning to get ready, because Fanny sleeps quite late, as you can imagine. Well that's a little taste of our first two days......only about 118 more to go.....