"My name is Anne, I'm from the states, and instead of souviners, i get scars......"

I finally made it to Uluru. And it was every bit as amazing as I had imagined. I flew up to alice springs (yes it's where outback's alice springs chicken is from) and checked into a hostel. Well, I've been pretty good about the time changes around here but this place was an hour and a HALF behind sydney. Um, what? Who has 1/2 hour time changes? SO anyway when I realized it was only 7:30 am there and NOTHING was open I decided to raom around. Well, there is ABSOLUTELY nothing in Alice springs. It was quite a long boring walk.

The next day I woke up bright and early at 4:45 (which is the latest I slept all week) and got on the tour bus, but not after I attempted to get my giant suitcase in the trailor only to have it tuble back out on top of me putting me right in the dirt. We drove for what felt like forever and everyone took a turn introducing themselves. So there were these french people who didn't speak english, SHOCKER, and all they could do was sing allouette......and that's pretty much all they did the whole time. If I never hear that song again, it will make my life complete. We arrived at King's Canyon and I quickly realize we are at the bottom of a very steep and large canyon. THEN, I look at the sign. Not only is the hike completely uphill, it's 8 km long. Oh, and it's 104 degrees outside. My goodness did I look pretty. BUT, i did it. That night we went to set up camp. With my luck, i just assumed i would be with one of the old french people, but someone was watching out for me, i thought. Our guide throws us our swags, which is all we had to sleep in. I wasnt exactly sure what a swag was befor this trip but the horror on my face when i opened it up said it ALL. It is a glorified sleeping bag with a flap to go over your head if it rains. Not tent, no tarp.....NOTHING. On the trip before us a drunken irishman got in upside down and began screaming bloody murder in the middle of the night. He assumed he'd been kidnaped. OH, the irish........

The next day we awoke EARLY in the morning (or what i refer to as the middle of the night) at 4:30 am. We headed out to Kata Tjuta, which is more than 300 domes made from rock and sediment. Apparently, it gets hot in there, and when I say hot, i mean 115 degress. It's a bit toasty. SO this time we have 2 choices. We can to the hilly 8 km walk or the not so hilly 2 km walk. Well I didn't want to look like a pansy so i went with the group that did the long one. ABout 5 minutes in, i realized I should've been a pansy. The last km is completely uphill on rocks and mud. The top of that hill was like the promise land. A promise land where the guide looked at me and laughed so hard he began to tear up. Apparently I looked as if i had gotten run over by a train.......a 115 degree uphill train. And I was just so proud of myself until I was informed we were doing another hike.

I was a bit distraught until I was informed it was only 2 km and we were finally going to Uluru. (or Ayers Rock as you crazy americans refer to it) We did a short hike around the end, and oh my goodness is it HUGE. Its 6 miles around and about 400 meters high (around 1200 ft.) We drove to the sunset viewing area to watch the sunset behind the rock. Sitting back, with a cold beer, with what is likely the most amazing view in the world is not such a bad way to spend a wednesday evening. Well, we ended up staying an having a few more cold ones and watching shooting stars. (5 in and hour......i made HEAPS of wishes) Apparently the park closes at 8 and at around 9:30 we were escorted out by Park Management. WOOPS. Then off to sleep in the ever so lovely swag.......

The last morning we were up at 4 am. That's right 4 am. We back to Uluru to watch sunrise, and if at all possible, it was better than sunset (except I couldn't really drink at sunrise, people may ask questions.) Then after the sun was all the way up, we were off to do another walk. This one.......10 km, 6 km, or 2 km. Again, I didn't want to look weak so I did the 10 k. I was a bit further from death this time.....no hills! So I made it......against all odds......with no scars.....

After 4 am wake up calls everyday.....close to 20 miles of hiking in 3 days.......abouve 100 degree heat constantly.......and a "few" drinks......i had a nice LONG sleep on my flight back to sydney........

"Here.....put the ray bans on the kangaroo"...."Why?"...."Um, why not?"

So my next stop was Noosa. This was supposed to be my chilling out place, BUT, we all know how that turned out. I ran into almost everyone I went to fraser island with and it turned into a fraser island encore. But, the main reason I went to Noosa was to go to the Australia Zoo. It's owned by Steve Irwin's family, and as you all know, I am obsessed with him. STILL. I caught the bus out there and was in shock. CRIKEY, that's a big zoo. (yea, i did) But seriously, it's insane. We played with all of the animals for a while. I fed an asian elephant (for grace) and cuddled a tiger. (just kidding dad.) I was a ridic tourist that day and have the photos to prove it.......

I fell in LOVE with the kangas! They were so cute and fat, and kind of reminded me of

Mags-pie.....

A dingo ate my ba-bay...

The next little adventure was Fraser island. Fraser is the biggest sand island in the world and is covered with wildlife. It is a breeding ground for bull and tiger sharks, and it is overpopulated with dingos and snakes. Basically, it's a death trap. But it is beautiful. So, the tour goes a little something like this.....

First, you get split up into groups, then assigned to an SUV, and then you camp on the island for 3 days. YEA....i camped......AGAIN. So we have this meeting where we learn who is going to be in o

ur car for the week. The call out my group and we all introduce ourselves. I'm like, "Oh, hi, i'm anne, i'm from the states." Then the other 5 girls in my group do the same. Every single one is german......EVERY SINGLE ONE. REDIC. Then, I am informed that no one in our group can drive a manual, and they ask if I want to give it a shot. I literally laughed for a good 5 minutes. I told them the story of attempting to drive a stick shift in mission beach, and they promptly retracted their offer. Then we get put in the guide's car (who i realize will be my only mate on the trip, seeing as we are the only 2 with english as a first language.) We wake up bright and early where we are given the rundown. Basically it was a 45 minute lecture about how dingos can kill you. AWESOME.

We start to pack the car and i bend over, not 2 minutes into it, slam my bum into the trailor

and do a somersault onto the concrete. This then produces a baseball size lump on my head (on top of the one that is still there from the boom) and a 6 inch black spot on my leg. All I could do was assume it was a sign that this was going to go about the same as the rest of my adventures......with a 50/50 shot of me making it out alive. We get there, and again, we have to give up our shoes. I really don't get why these people are so anti-shoe. They were invented for a REASON. SO i give up my shoes, unwillingly, and jump into the car. Our first stop was lake Mckenzie and it was amazing. The clearest water I'e ever seen and the best part was, no fear of Jaws. We spend the day there and the head to set up camp. We get there and it is in no way a legitimate campsite. It is a beach, which they refer to as a campsite. We are told that we will not be showering for the next few days. Then someone asked about where to go to the bathroom. The guide picks up a shovel and shows us. THERE'S SOME GOOD NEWS. So if i wake up and have to pee at 2 a.m. i have to find a shovel, dig a hole, pop a squat, all the while fighting off dingos. I have literally never been more determined to be dehydrated. We put up our tents, which I can only assume were made for little people and throw our stuff in. I should probably mention that of the 5 germans I was with one of them was a 55 year old woman who spoke no english whatsoever. Guess who i got to shack up with. Not only was I in a tent with her, there was another girl in there too. So there are 3 people in a tent made for 1, and I am not exactly a short person. Somehow I get lucky enough to be in the middle wedged between the 2. I just don't understand how i am so blessed sometimes, really, i wish i could share the wealth. So Sylvia, the old german woman, continuously speaks to me in german. Obviously i don't speak german......but that does not stop this crazy old lady from asking me question after question after question. Finally I just started saying yes every time. I can only imagine the things i confirmed to good ole sylvia.....

We cook our dinner (on a portable gas grill with the shark infested ocean water to be used as

our dishwasher). Everyone starts drinking but because of my severe fear of having to pee in a hole that i dug myself and getting half my leg chewed off by a dingo in the process, i called it an early night. The next day was busy. We went to a creek, where we were told to "bathe with the sand" and then this huge cliff called indian head. There are these great views on top of it, but seeing as someone up in the sky has decided my life should be a joke for all of eternity, they didn't build a path. So i am shoeless, it's now raining, and i get to go rock climbing. Seriously? About 30 minutes and 4 falls after everyone makes it to the top, i finally get up there. And low and behold, i get about 5 minutes before it's time to get back down. And let me tell you, that was just as fun.

We repeat the campsite scene except this time, i decide alcohol will be my dingo defense. Well, it may have made me brave that night, but it crippled me the next morning. Contrary to popular belief, sleeping in a tiny tent with 2 other people on the hard sand without a pillow.......not equivalent to a great night's sleep. SO

we wake up and are taken to yet another lake. We get there and all I want to do is sleep. SO i'm excited to just lounge around. We are then informed that it's a 3.5 kilometer walk. I mean, why wouldn't it be? So i hike for a good hour and a half and finally make it there to discover blistering hot sand with a side of giant horseflies. FABULOUS. I give up and sit in the lake for 2 hours before heading back. Well we've been there for almost 4 hours and the sand got a little toasty, which would have been fine except that these people have stolen my shoes. SO I did that scenic 3.5 kilometer hike at a full speed run whilst sweating boxed wine from every pore in my body. Great day. We got back to the hostel and I went to bed at 6........then woke up at 10.....a.m. the next day. I have never been so happy to sleep in a gross hostel bed. Oh, and don't worry, they put sylvia in the room with me. Just to make sure i wasn't too happy.....

"It's just like riding a bike."..."I haven't ridden a bike in 10 years..."...."Oh, well then this won't be easy."

After I did my sailing trip around the whitsundays I headed down to the town of 1770 to chill out after my hectic weekend. A friend of mine here told me I HAD to do this thing called scooteroo. I assumed it was something where you drive a scooter around for an hour and go to the beach. So I book it and show up to the place. I start looking around and realize that there are no scooters whatsoever. Only legit motorcycles. Well, knowing my history with stability on the ground, you can understand my apprehensions. They give us all flamed helmets and leather jackets, (which by the way made me look like I was dressing up for a swap. I CANNOT pull of that look. I don't know how sandy went from preppy school girl to biker chick so fast, but am ill equipped.) Anyway, we get all of our gear on and we are informed that we each will be driving our motorcycle for 60 k around the town. I immediately saw my life flash before my eyes. No way was I living through this. (Oh and the best part was it has been raining all day so the roads were nice and slick.) I inform the lead guide that there is no way in hell i will be able to do this. He sees this as an opportunity to screw with me. I seriously do not understand why everyone feels the need to do that. It's seriously not cool.



So it's finally my turn to "practice" and I completely wipe out. The guy thankfully caught me before i ripped half my leg off, but still, I was NOT smooth. He the gives me this chat about how everyone gets it, it just takes a few tries. He then learned the hard way that not everyone gets it. He didn't understand that I'm Anne....i get scars from rafting, and fall down while I'm walking through the store. I slam my head on a boom more than once in 30 minutes even though I know it's there and trip over every root in a 3 mile radius. I AM NOT EVERYONE. Needless to say, I was a "koala" for the day and rode on the back of one of the guides which actually turned out to be better because 1. We got to go REALLY fast, and 2. I stuck to m,y one and only rule here in Australia...DON'T DIE.

After that little adventure I headed to Hervey bay to go fishing. So usually when you charter a boat, they do all the reels for you and you grab it when one is hooked. Not here. We get about 30 miles off shore, the captain (who was missing at least 8 teeth) hands me a rod and goes, "Have fun." Thank goodness I wasn't a total spaz and actually knew how to bait a hook. So i start fishing and everyone is catching stuff except for me. Of course they are. So I'm seriously getting bored and was about to give up when my line bends almost in half. I obviously turn around and explain that i have most likely caught the bottom, AGAIN, when the line just starts spinning away. Everyone starts freaking out and all I can do it hold on for dear life. 30 minutes later I have a bruise in my side and a sore back but this bastard just won't get tired. I finally get him close to the boat and it was a 40 kilo golden trevally, but when I tell this story later, he'll be 60. This fish was a beast. Then he takes off one last time just hard enough to snap the line. I was seriously distraught. But, I get everyone has a story about the one that got away. Most stories are are about their one true love, but mine will forever be the fish I caught on the Princess II......

I'm on a BOAT

So my Computer died a little bit and since most of the places I'm visiting are about the size of Folsom, Louisiana, I've had some difficulties getting it fixed! But ANYWAY, I just got finished with heaps of adventures so I'll try and blog one every few days to keep all you boring career folk entertained while you're supposed to be working!

So, just got finished sailing around the whitsunday islands. It was AMAZING, but it definitely didn't start that way. SHOCKER. So when I booked it, I assumed it was going to be this luxury catamaran where the crew sailed and the guests just lounged around and drank champagne. No such luck. The day we boarded, it was pouring.....and FREEZING. Not a great mix when you're sailing around the ocean. I was sitting on deck, because below deck was literally only beds and every time i was down there i got smashed up against a wall. (It's a wonder I returned with all of my limbs.) So we're sitting on deck and I'm shivering, and the crew is all like "Why didn't you bring a jumper?" (Oh that's the aussie word for sweater.....I'm learning and using one new aussie word every day.) But anyway, I was like, "Well, it didn't occur to me to bring ski clothes on a sailing trip in the middle of the tropics when it was 89 degrees this morning." Needless to say I was cold. So i went downstairs to take a warm shower and I opened the bathroom door. There's some good news. There wasn't so much a shower as a sink nozzle that only sprayed freezing cold water. So, showering for the next few days was definitely out of the question.

It finally stopped raining and I think everyone's immense misery really made us bond. We spent most of the night hanging out on the deck and drinking heavily with our captain. (Who, by the way, WAS Captain Ron. I have never seen a human with a larger beer belly smoke more cigarettes in and hour. But we love him.) The next day was much better. Except that they wake you up at 5:30 am with ridiculously loud music. We go up on deck and they want us to raise the sails. Well no one really wants to do it because, well, it was 5:30 in the morning and we had all been drinking until the wee hours. So they start calling people out and they point to me to grind. Of course they do. Because I am SUCH a morning person. But I learned how to sail.....so that was fun. We went to Whitehaven beach, which has ruined all other beaches for me, and went for a few dives. Then, Captain Ron, (His real name was Kane but I kept calling him captain ron. I don't think he had ever actually seen the movie because every time I called him that, he called me sarah. I assumed he thought we were just making up fake names.) let me drive the boat. BIG mistake....big....HUGE. But he ended up saving us from what most certainly could have been a horrible death. We continued on sailing with everyone running from one side to the other....Barefoot. I don't know what it is with this place and people refusing to wear shoes. But, given my reputation, i was certain I would be injured by the end of the trip. And, I WAS. I have a permanent lump on my head from nailing the boom about 7 times a day and a toe that sits just a little bit weird from one slight mix up in left and right. Oh well, at least I lived.

Oh and the best part was I brought Jimmy Buffet to Australia. The nation will forever be indebted to me for my cultural contribution. I mean as much as they drink, they needed a soundtrack for their lives......now I'm off to have a cheeseburger in paradiseeeeeee....paradisseeeeee. I finally made a good girl friend too. We talked about how awful the rain was.....her mom's shoplifting experience....and my dad's excessive need to make sure I have on comfortable shoes. It was an amazing trip to say the least, and the next few adventures were just as fun.

I say tomat-O, you say tom-ato......

My last week in mission beach was, well you know, about as fun as mission beach can get. I had my super awesome going away party at the resort where I was promptly lifted onto someone’s shoulders to ensure everyone knew that I was the one going away. This led to an unimaginable amount of people who I had never met buying me drinks. I love small towns! It turned out to be a great night with great friends. After the fun came the packing, also known as the unfun.

SO I came here with nothing but a giant backpack. Well the backpack turned out to be the source of every back problem known to man. And when you’re switching busses and flying around every 4 days, 50 lbs on your back is not such a great idea. So mom and dad, the adoring parents that they are, send me the largest rolling duffel ever, the duffel that most refer to as a body bag. And it is packed FULL. (and yes, I know it’s shocking to hear I over-packed….it’s so unlike me)

But today I got my giant duffel and got on a 10 hour bus to Airlie beach. The road trip begins. I’m travelling down the coast…then over to Melbourne…..followed by a trip to Uluru…..and then finally back to Sydney. So these little adventures will undoubtedly lead to some, um, remarkable stories. And so continues my Journey through OZ……

Dun-Dun…..Dun Dun…..Dun-Duh-Dun-Duh- Dun-Duh-Dun-Duh……

So Scuba Sunday was GREAT. I braved the open water against the wishes of my dear cousin Ashley who has seen the Jaws series just a few too many times. I got 2 days off of work and decided to take a mini vacay. (you know from my normally super hard and stressful life) Anyway, I came up to cairns for the weekend, kind of my first ditch effort to travel alone. And I gotta say, not too bad. Anyway, I made friends with these itailian sisters at the hostel and we went to the bar. It was a good night, oh it was a good night. We danced….we drank…..and we got hit on. I literally went into the bathroom to make sure I didn’t have a sign on my back that said…..CREEPERS WELCOME. DIGNITY AND MORALS NOT NECESSARY. Needless to say, these guys were far from marriage material. Hell they were far from dance partner material. Lets see, there was the 18 year old rugby player who was missing, um, about 40% of his teeth,

the guy in a skirt who thought it would really make the outfit to wear a thong under it, oh and the guy who tried to do hand motions to talk to me because the only English he knew was, “hi” and “no.” Which, as it turns out…were the only 2 words I used. Anyway, I ended up just dancing the night away (alone) and heading home.

Thanks to mom and dad, I had a FANTASTIC Saturday. As you all know, and anyone who has ever met me knows, I have a slight shopping addiction. Well when you’re backpacking and make no money you can’t exactly go on shopping sprees. So they let me feed my addiction, just slightly, but still. And I got my first diet coke in weeks. AMAZINNGGGGG. (They’re $3.50 out of a vending machine, who am I, Rockefeller?) Then I had a quiet night at home to get ready for SCUBA SUNDAY. Yay

So I board the boat bright and early this morning and we set sail to the great barrier reef. Our first stop was Michaelma’s Cay, which I learned soon after we arrived, is a bird sanctuary. OF COURSE IT IS. Why wouldn’t they bring me to an island with hundreds of ferocious birds? Anyway after I escaped the island, which I will also refer to as “my worst fear come true,” I went for a snorkel. I’ve never seen water like this. Crystal clear and sooo much colorful reef! After about a half hour, I headed back to the boat for my scuba dive. We went in groups of 4, and they put all the Americans in a group together. It’s probably like a special-ed thing. So if you think I’m uncoordinated on land, you should see me 20 feet under water with weights tied around my waist and a giant air tank on my back. That’s a sight for sure. I looked smoking hot. I’m pretty sure I kicked everyone in our group in the face at least 3 times. Whatever…..I didn’t die, and that’s the only rule here in aussie land.

Just got on the bus headed back to Mission Beach. I look like a cherry, I’m bruised all over, I can barely move my arms, and I’m happy as a clam. (which by the way, are bigger than me!!) I’m travelling the east coast in about a week and a half. Can’t wait to see what’s gonna happen next. (oh, and the DJ at the bar across the road from where I live is throwing me a going away party. See small towns do have advantages, like royal treatment at the mission beach resort. Yep, I’m practically as cool as Price William.)

"Did superman just jump off the roof?"...."Yep, and you're next catwoman."

The one thing I swore I would never do was bungy jump. Well, shocker……I did it. And not only did I do it, but I did it backwards with staff that were intent on making me pee my pants. So all day I’m terrified. Like way past scared to a point I’ll forever refer to as “the bungies.” I was literally shaking. We went to Cairns so Dez could “push me off the roof.” But we didn’t go straight to the bungy place so I could get it over with….NOOOOO…..we got to work all day doing promos and shaking hands. I’m pretty sure I will always be remembered as the quiet, weirdish, shaky girl that worked for absolute backpackers. Anyway, as soon as anyone found out I was jumping, they would think of the most horrible stories to tell me. “Well there was this guy I used to know. Now he’s dead…” Awesome.

I finally get to the bungy place and climb to the top. (by the way, I am in dire need of a gym. I almost died, not from the jump, but because of the 9 flights of stairs I had to climb beforehand.) I get to the top and I’m waiting my turn when one of the workers’ phone rings. He answers it, looks at me, and says “The girl?...Yea I got this on lock.” I HATE Dez sometimes. It’s my turn to jump and I am informed that I don’t get to jump forwards like everyone else…nooooo…..he wants me to stand backwards with my heels off the edge leaning as far back as possible. So I do it……because it’s no use fighting….I’m falling of that think one way or another. After 4 “pretend” almost drops he let go. Um OH MY GOSH. Scariest thing ever. I think everyone at home may have heard me scream. But, I did survive……Finally, Australia-10 Anne-1

My reward for being such a good sport was sushi. Not just any sushi…….sushi train. This is without a doubt what I think heaven is like. There are hundreds of plates of sushi that go around on a mini luggage carousel and you just sit at your table and grab what you want when it comes by. Seriously, HEAVEN. Dez looks over about 30 silent minutes later and goes, “Dang, you ate as much as me.” I don’t know when they’re gonna learn that I can eat a ridiculous amount of food……a whole pizza, sure…..2 hamburgeres, definitely……5 plates of sushi, NO problem. When asked how I do it, I simply respond with…….”I get it from my mama…..”

Are There crocs in there? Oh just a few and they aren't that big.....

Hello all…….sorry I haven’t written in a while but there really hasn’t been anything too exciting going on! Mission Beach is still great and I got to play tour guide this morning to a sales rep. Which was fun until we went for a boat ride and I came off looking as if I had been submerged for a good 10 minutes. So much for showering today. I then spent the rest of my day at the beach reading…….i KNOW, life is SO hard.

The other day we had a bit of excitement. So we go about 10 minutes north to play beach volleyball every week. (And I have become a PRO by the way, so next time we’re in FL….IT IS SO ON) Well I was with my friend Carla and we decided that we wanted to jog back. Seeing as I

haven’t worked out since I came here, I thought that was a great idea. Between the volleyball court and home, there is a small creek. And apparently at high tide…..is isn’t so much a small creek as a raging river. Carla decides it can’t be that deep so she starts to cross it. Well, the first 3 steps are fine….then she takes the fourth one and is up to he shoulders about to drown. (which I though was ironic seeing as that’s my name) She comes back and we assess the situation. She explains that we should cross upriver and I explain that I’m not doing it. Well she runs across immediately so we are now on opposite sides of this death trap. After about 15 minutes of threats, on Carla’s end, I swim across.

Thinking that was it, I was so relieved. But then, we both realize that we’ve gone too far upriver and now have to trek the 40 meters through the rainforest, at dusk, barefoot, in the land of all things can kill you. So I ran like the most spastic creature any human has ever seen and made it out alive. We walked back to the hostel where everyone had extremely confused looks on their faces because we went for a beach jog and returned sopping wet with mud up to our knees. We then learn that the "creek" is full of crocs. Of course it is, why wouldn't it be. Thank you Australia…….you win again.

"Usually I'd say it's nothing we can't handle but the water is pretty high today so I'm not sure"......Thanks rafting guide for the confidence boost

Okay Everyone, I’m alive! Rafting was amazing…….and I am able to say that because I am out of the water now sitting on the couch. So we got going bright and early at 7:30 am (and no worries, I learned my lesson from sea kayaking……no drinking the night before). I get there and am assigned my boat. Well, lucky me…...it’s Anne plus three couples. GREAT. I get it world….I’m single…..no need to rub it in! But anyway, we get going immediately. I tried to warn the guide about my uncanny clumsiness, but noooo, no one wants to listen. Well after 30 minutes on the river, I was already in need of 2 bandages. Seriously.

The first was a little bit my fault. We got out of the raft to go rock jumping. (Sorry again mom

and dad. But don’t worry….it was only like 12 feet high) I got a little too excited, and tried to climb up the rock. Well I was in wet crocs trying to climb a giant wet rock……you do the math. I busted it pretty hard, turning my knee black and blue in seconds which then begin bleeding soon thereafter. I then proceeded to climb to the top of the rock and jump. AMAZING. Definitely a rush.

Our next fun adventure was body surfing through the rapids. Or in my case, playing pin ball with giant boulders. If anyone finds the chunk of my hip that’s missing, let me know. OUCH. Truthfully, I was like wow, that’s going to be a bad bruise….nope……it was a lot of blood though. So……one more bandage for the road. By this point…I think the guide was beginning to understand what I was saying about having trouble standing on flat ground.

We went on for a while more and because I was there alone, our raft guide saw this as an opportunity to ensure I was in the water A LOT. I would be mid conversation and he would just kick his leg out…..literally kicking me out of the raft. The best part was that I was in the back and he would deny it every time. This ensured “the couples” thought I was just a total spaz that fell out of the raft at the most rando times. Thanks Johnny. After about 5 times he promised to stop. But then the guides from the other rafts decided that they wanted in on the hilariousness

of watching me flail around in the water. So they started diving off their boat just to get me in the rapids. By the end of the trip, another backpacker got me with his paddle and I went in YET AGAIN. The rest of the people in the boat probably went in 4 times……..my count was 15. YEP, 15. It wouldn’t have been so bad but every time I went into the river they had to pull me back in the boat. There’s an attractive moment. I’m pulled in and all I can do is fall in and take a good minute to get back in position, successfully mimicking a beached whale. Weird how swimming around a strong current river 15 times can tire you out.

We get back to the base and no beer has ever been that good……EVER. And when I got home I probably took a 30 minute scolding hot shower…….freaking amazing. I’m definitely a serious adrenaline junkie now…….hey, it’s better than being an actual junkie.

Scared stay scared

This weekend, I went to Magnetic island. Beautiful is a serious understatement. We went for “work,” where we were “marketing.” Loosely translated……the owner wanted to get out of town and we drank and met a bunch of people. It was full moon weekend, which is insane. I was on the beach with close to 1200 people dancing and drinking………doesn’t get much better than that. Des (my Boss) promised that I wouldn’t be able to move the next day…….and he was CORRECT. Damn you jaeger bombs, damn you. We went to lunch where everyone commenced drinking yet again. I mean I’m all for drinking a lot but sometimes I swear I can hear my liver begging me to stop. So it was margaritas all around and a water for Anne.

The next day, I fulfilled my dream and got to hold a KOALA!! So freaking cute. But the deal was, in order to get

to the koala, I had to touch a lot of freaky ass stuff. The first being a croc……that was the least scary one. YEA. Next up came the giant bird. And, if it’s even possible I think I have become MORE afraid of birds since I got here. At home we have pigeons and seagulls and what not but here these birds are twice my size and could kill me with their death claw in a matter of seconds. Needless to say, I’m still not a fan. But anyway, I held the bird and thinking I was finished, finally started to relax. No such luck. Next came out the python. That’s right, a PYTHON, the thing that wraps itself around your neck and strangles you to death. But since this trip had kind of turned into one adrenaline rush after another…….i went in. AND HELD THE SNAKE. It took all of my will power not to scream hysterically but since there was a 7 year old little girl next to me doing the same……I felt that may be slightly embarrassing.

Finally, the koala came out. And He was SO cute….and he was definitely a HE. I got groped by a koala…….there’s a great story for the kids. “How was Australia mom?” “Oh great…..i drank a lot and a koala felt me up.” I probably will not be leading by example. But anyway, his name was Barney and he was very soft, and he had VERY sharp claws. I guess that’s typical with guys though……all cute and furry at first, until they dig their claws into you while attempting to play grab ass. Good times.

Last night was my birthday here! And I gotta say, I like having my birthday 2 days in a row. Twice the days, twice the fun. We had Anne’s B-day Beach Bash and after many failed attempts to start a bonfire, ended up sitting on the beach and drinking in the dark. So much fun though. And probably the biggest party I’ve ever had…….although nothing will ever top the little mermaid birthday. NOTHING.

That’s pretty much all that’s going on right now…….going white water rafting on Sunday…….that should produce some interesting stories

Hi, I'm anne....Ian?...No, Anne.....What?......You can call me Gulianna.....

So last week’s adventure was sea kayaking and it definitely was an adventure. Last night we had a bbq so we started drinking quite early. (There’s very little to do here. Either go to bed or get drunk. I consistently choose the latter.) Anyway the drinking games began about 7 and around about 1 am we had finished an entire box of wine. That’s right BOXED WINE. After an involuntary swim and more games I finally went to bed. I had to wake up at 7:30……..I did NOT like that and I was definitely not looking my loveliest.

We go to the beach to get in our kayak when the guide explains that the island is 5 kilometers

away. Oh, and we have to do a return trip too. But we aren’t just going the 5 K there and back. We need to do about 3 extra because it’s much prettier. Let’s be honest….I am probably unable to tell the difference between the good and bad part of the island. It’s an island off the coast of Australia, it’s legit………But anyway, she’s on the ground showing us the correct way to paddle and all I can seem to do is look around to figure out where the nearest bathroom is in case I get sick. This hangover had super powers. It wasn’t like a normal one…….it was like a hangover that had done steroids for a few years and then gone pro. So we begin paddling, and I quickly learn that not only am I not a camper, but I’m also not a paddler. This guide was watching me like a hawk, which was kind of good seeing as Jill and I had already worked out what side of the boat to puke over so we didn’t flood the kayak. BUDDY SYSTEM…..thank you girl scouts! Anyway we finally make it and we go for a snorkel……..actually quite cool. Greatest cure for a hangover……a 6 KM kayak and a 2 hour snorkel…..no worries guys….I FOUND THE CURE.

So after that little incident……I gave up on the water for a while. Then, for some reason I thought that a $5 dinner night that we provided was a great idea. I was thinking maybe 5 or 10 people would want to do it. Well, 24 signed up. That’s right….I had to cook for 24 people. Tacos it is. I have never been more scared. All I could think about was the kanga curry incident. I certainly did not want an encore. But it all worked out and we all had a romantic Mexi dinner together.

The last story is by far the best. So before I started, they asked if I had a driver’s license. Well I do, obviously, as does every other 16 year old in the states. So I show up and ask for a bar night and they explain that I can just take the bus. Well I can’t drive the bus because it’s a stick shift. So one of the managers thinks it’s a great idea to take me for a driving lesson. So I’m driving on the wrong side of the car……the opposite side of the road…..attempting a manual….with my left hand……in a 12 seater van. The fear on this man’s face was unlike anything I’ve ever seen. It was bad. Needless to say, after stalling the van 3 times and almost hitting 4 people, I don’t think he’ll take me for another lesson…..ever. I would feel bad, but this way I get to drink......and that's always the best way to go.

I know I promised I wouldn't do this but........

Well I got a job in Mission Beach….a bit shocking, I know. See, I’m not totally unemployable!!! And, it’s not just a job…..it’s pretty much the most amazing job ever. We headed down here and show up……and it’s a bit small. Like, we asked where town was…..and we got extremely confused looks. Apparently town is the bus stop….SCORE. But still it’s very quaint, the people are super nice, and the beach is AMAZING.

So I’m more or less like a cruise director. I check people in, help them plan their tours, and plan amazingly fun activities at night. I’m just glad that all my sorority experience is finally going to come in handy. See mom and dad, it wasn’t a giant waste of money. Toga Party….planned…….beer Olympics……doing it…….hell, I may even have a graffiti swap just so I can pretend like I’m in college. Oh and I’m in charge of social media…..aka I get to take pictures of drunk people and put them on facebook and twitter. It’s like I’m getting paid to live my everyday life, but add free adrenaline pumping activities.

So, not only is my job super fun, but the perks are a little redic. I get to do all of the tours….for free……. snorkeling…..white water rafting……or whatever. And I live at the hostel for free…...Oh and I have an open bar tab at almost every bar in town (which is like 4, but still, not a bad gig) Seriously, I’m a little nervous I’m going to have to join a cult or something…..it’s just too good to be true. Whatever….as long as I don’t have to shave my head or wake up too early……I’m in.

So apparently I’m going a bit native. I saw a frog yesterday and these guys were freaking out. I just walked oven and picked it up……as if I haven’t been terrified of frogs for 22 years…..and I didn’t freak out every time got within 3 feet of me. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I hold frogs and sleep in tents. And I haven’t even straightened my hair in about 2 weeks. It’s almost as if I’m backpacking through Australia. Weird.

SO my first assignment for “work” (yes it’s in quotes) was to jump out of a plane at 14,000 feet. Strangely….i wasn’t that nervous. And I don’t understand why at ALLL. But as soon as I was pushed out of the plane……I may or may not have flipped shit and started screaming hysterically. It was a little embarrassing. But turned out to be the coolest thing I’ve ever done. It was SICK. Oh and I jumped with my boss. Yes, my boss is also a skydiver. This job is legit. Next up……kayaking the reef…….and then extreme white water rafting (because normal white water rafting just isn’t cool enough.) I’m pretty sure mom and dad were thinking more along the lines of me waiting tables while I’m here……..but I guess this works too.